Gracefully Dancing on My Toes

The silk pink ribbons wrapped around my ankles. I stood with my shoulders down, one hand gently placed on the wooden barre at the studio. I tried to go fully onto the toe box of my pointe shoes, but my feet still hurt. The pain continued as I proceeded to follow the instructed steps.

What should have been more simple felt impossible for my body. I was only seventeen, had already danced en pointe for over a year. Though turns and combinations in center I never could master. And now I understand why.

At the time, I wasn't diagnosed, only struggling with some pain. But, I pushed aside any concern and continued attending my regular routine of classes. Balancing though, especially on one foot became more a challenge. It took all that I had to fully go up on my toes. And I felt safer holding onto the wooden barre, than dancing in center.

Even my ballet instructors mentioned to me years later, that it didn't make sense to them either. It wasn't like I didn't put in the effort. My body just couldn't do some of the steps as easily as others.

I was older when I was told that I was ready for pointe. Most of my friends were around 12 or 13 when they started. My sixteen year old self was so excited to hear the news. It came as a surprise. And one that I'm grateful happened before I didn't have it in me.

But, as months went by, I hardly made any progress. My feet were in pain, but I knew that was to be expected. So I continued to push myself. When I wasn't in class, I continued to work on strengthening my feet at home. I was basically always dancing.

When I walked over to my dance bag to take off my pointe shoes, part of me knew it might be the last time. Within a week later, I struggled with more nerve pain because of the CMT and I struggled to walk or stand for more than a few minutes at a time.

Looking back at it now, this dream shouldn't have been possible. I have CMT, a neuromuscular disease that causes problems with balance and muscle atrophy. My body is often fighting to just complete some of the most simplest tasks. And when I'm not working, I'm probably laying down.

Interesting enough, I never had much thought about dancing on pointe. I had a heart for dance, but I wanted to teach. Then as I grew older, I longed to experience the beauty of dancing gracefully on your toes.

It became a dream in my early teenage years. One that God made possible in a season that I least suspected.

Reflection Question: What is something that you felt like was impossible, but God opened that door? And how did you react?