Wrestling with Changing Seasons

My three-day break was starting the next day. But, I was too busy reading through an email about one of my graduate classes, to give it much thought. My eyes scanned through the lengthy syllabus and instructions on what to complete before the first class.

Summer is over. Now, the changes feel real.

While the weeks carried on to the next, it didn't truly feel like summer until I went to the beach on Thursday. I enjoyed a beautiful afternoon with friends and being near the water. There was a moment I forgot about work and even the orientation that would follow the next day.

For most of my summer, nothing changed. I still worked five days a week and most evenings were spent at home. I continued attending church weekly and a young adults group. But, I also spent a signficant amount of time reading or working on other projects. Pain and fatigue worsened due to the warmer tempertures.

To be honest, graduate school felt distant. I've had many wonderful conversations with family, friends, and those in this field. But, it didn't sink in until last week when I had some time off from work.

Tears started falling as the doubts and concerns became louder. I began realizing of how differently this next seaon would look as I'm barely dancing, working less, and even stepped down from Diamonds... I replaced many of the passions with more school. Was it even worth it?

I've pondered this question as I started filling in my calender with classes and assignments for the week. I know that God has more for my life and all of the past opportunities have prepared me for this field. Even the hardships that come with having CMT, a progressive neuromuscular disease, have helped me. I know how difficult it is to live with pain and have been blessed to hear stories from others who are suffering physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I want to be that safe person for more than just those I know. I long to make an impact even if it ends up being remotely. By continuing my education, I will be more equipped to handle difficult circumstances.

The concerns related to my health are real. But, if God has already brought me this far on my journey, I think it's possible to continue moving forward.

I was just talking with a friend the other day about this new season. She also is very passionate about mental health and encouraged me not to compare my journey to someone else's. It's okay if I need to take longer to finish more school. It's okay not to be able to step into this field right away.

I hope that will encourage you as well. Take one day at a time and don't feel guilty if you need to do less.