Why I Struggle To Make Plans

Hi, I’m not feeling well today. Is it okay that we reschedule?

Sound familiar? If you are living with a chronic illness, you probably have canceled on a friend more than once. It's something I've struggled with. For me, it's on the days the fatigue leaves me feeling so drained that I'm not able to move. There is no going around it. I can’t predict or change how bad my body will feel on a given day. And I’m sure it has hurt friends in the past when I’ve had to cancel.

Whenever I plan to meet up with a friend, there are many things I have to consider. Will I have time to rest before? And by resting, I mean laying down for at least thirty minutes or a couple of hours. How far is it? Is there a lot of walking involved or do I need to bring my wheelchair? Will I be able to drive there and back safely? I would rather not have to call a family member to pick up me.

When making plans, I also consider whether I have extra work or appointments that week. I’ve learned in the past that scheduling a time to meet up with a friend and going to an appointment or event in the same week is too much. I just experienced this last month when I had to cancel on a friend because my body was still recovering from a graduation party a few days prior. I thought that I would be fine. After work, I went home and slept for a couple of hours before dinner.

Similar to my blog post about fatigue years ago, it’s more than just being tired. I describe it as having the flu. Your whole body feels weak and heavy. However, if you have the flu, you eventually recover. With chronic fatigue, you never fully recover. While I’m always fatigued, sometimes it’s very mild and I’m able to continue on my day. On the other hand, I also experience a severe amount of fatigue that makes it difficult to accomplish basic tasks. 

I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I’ve hurt friends in the past by trying to change or cancel plans. I guess that’s why I rarely make plans because the fatigue and severe pain is too unpredictable. But, I would never do it intentionally. My physical limitations now are just a huge factor in any of my decisions.

But, God has blessed me with such a great group of friends that are very kind and understanding. Many of them I didn't know I needed. Sometimes I even forget that I’m struggling with pain when I’m enjoying a conversation. Many of them remind me that it’s okay to cancel and not to feel guilty. I would be there if I could. I’m also grateful for the times when a friend will text me the day off to make sure I still feel up to the plans. 

How often do you have to cancel plans? And how does this make you feel?