I wasn’t looking for a mentor.
I was this twenty-year-old young woman living with chronic pain. In another semester of remote learning (this was a few years ago). I spent most of my days at home, inside, which felt okay on the days of severe fatigue or pain. Strangely, it felt comfortable. But, after a while, it was too much. And that wasn’t my only struggle. I let myself sink deeper into depression.
This wasn’t new. I’ve battled with depression for most of my teenage years and it continued into my twenties. Sometimes, I couldn’t tell if it was fatigue from CMT or depression. I said to myself it would pass and I could get through it. I only had a few more months before transferring to a university. I could make it until then. Or so I thought.
The truth was, I needed someone outside my family who understood. Someone who I could reach out to when I fell deeply into depression. But, who? I didn’t want to burden others.
I wasn’t sure where to start. Where to look? I didn’t feel confident walking up to someone I knew and asking, “Can you mentor me?”
But, eventually, God led me to a season of being mentored. By someone who I have looked up to for years and related to my struggles with depression. And now, I have more than one mentor, which has been a blessing.
Earlier this year, I was speaking at the Diamonds Conference. During part of my session, I was sharing about the blessing of mentorship. My friend Sara, the host of the conference, asked me more about my thoughts on this topic. I then decided to write some thoughts on finding a mentor.
I am no expert. But, I hope this encourages you to look for someone who can go alongside you and be there to celebrate the breakthroughs in your health or the blessings of pursuing dreams that didn’t feel possible.
Look for a mentor that...
1.Encourages you to follow your passions.
Maybe this mentor has similar passions to you. Mine does. She loves dancing and teaching those with any ability to dance. We often talk about dance. Sometimes it’s an idea for choreography or how our classes are going.
She also has encouraged me with my writing. This mentor knows how much I use writing to process my pain or how it ministers to others. There was a time last fall when I stopped writing. I was overwhelmed with all of the changes in my life and a full schedule with work. In any spare moment, I rested or spent time with family. And it started to affect me. I missed typing my thoughts into a blog post or journaling in one of my notebooks. I missed having projects to continue working on.
And when I shared about this, She encouraged me to take the time to write more. Even if it meant letting something else go, this mentor and friend was right.
If you have a mentor with similar passions that’s helpful. But, it’s also wonderful to be encouraged by someone who has different gifts. If this person is the right fit for you, they are going to remind you that it’s important to integrate more of your passions. It may be difficult depending on your chronic illness or disability, but if it’s truly something you love, the mentor will be there along that journey.
2. Points you to Christ.
In a recent blog post, Sara shared about taking care of your spiritual health. And with that comes having a mentor. Someone who can point you to what is true. And that’s the hope we have in Jesus. He didn’t just die to save you, but so that one day you won’t live in suffering. And that’s a beautiful reminder when we continue to endure pain on this earth.
You might not receive all the answers to your illness. That's okay. It’s such an encouragement when a mentor shares a worship song they have been listening to or scripture that speaks to them. Maybe you are looking for someone who wants to do a Bible study together, in person, or through a video call. For me it's been through a phone call conversations and prayer time.
3. Supports you in all seasons.
I find this one to be crucial. Having a mentor doesn’t mean they are there for you only when you are having those difficult days because of pain. Or they leave you if your health improves. I’m talking about someone who is there through every and all seasons.
It’s not always being honest. When you are struggling with a chronic illness it’s hard not to feel down because of the severity of symptoms. But, when finding the right mentor, they don’t express judgment. And they usually can tell if something is off.
For me, when I’m talking with my mentor and she notices I’m more quiet than normal, she will usually ask, “What’s up?” or “Is there anything you need to talk about?” She knows every day is different from my chronic pain. Sometimes she will call, and I'm doing well. On other days I'm breaking into tears.
But, you never have to worry about being yourself. If this mentor is the right fit for you it will get easier over time.
Know that even having a mentor doesn’t mean it won’t change in the future. Sometimes in life, things shift or get better, and you no longer need those daily check-ins. And that’s okay. I encourage you to pray about finding a mentor.
Oh and friend, know you are not a burden. And that mentor will remind you of that too.
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