Journal Writing - Thoughts On Sadness And Feeling Alone
The tears streamed down my eyes as I was unable to sleep. It was late, but my body was in pain. I couldn't relax. I tried listening to music or prayer, and none of it worked. Like many nights before, I started writing because I couldn't shake past the feelings of sadness. While I ended my writing with questions and no answers, it's the best description of what I was going through.
Today, I wanted to share what has been on my heart. This may be something that resonates with you. Last summer, I was at a dance class. I experienced severe pain in my hips and back. For a couple of weeks, I could hardly stand, walk, much less dance. But I knew that emotionally I needed to go and be around a community of friends. There was sadness that followed as I danced while seated. I held the tears in because I didn't want others to see me hurting.
Friend, know you are seen and heard. It's okay to experience seasons of feeling alone even when others are near. But don't let the sadness steal away the hope of one day being better. Most of all, don't be afraid to share those hard feelings with the ones that care about you.
I hope this small piece of writing will help you to remember that even those who seem to have it all together are the ones that struggle deeply.
"Thoughts On Sadness And Feeling Alone" by Katerina
Tuesday evening, I was present in a dance class while still feeling alone. I wanted so badly to be like everyone else and dance across the room. But instead, I watched quietly, sitting in a chair, the pain piercing through my body. Tears of sadness were keeping me from finding joy. And it didn’t come clear to me until later what was wrong.
It felt like I was stepping back to when I was thirteen and struggling to dance. I struggled to move because of the overwhelming fatigue that didn’t make sense. So I started experiencing sadness and isolated myself as I felt different from others. I didn’t want to be different. All I wanted was to dance like those in my class. They moved like I used to. They did steps that I was once able to do. And as I started to get better, it took a while before dancing ever felt the same.
In some ways, I’m stepping back into that hard season. No longer is it just the severe fatigue. There is the constant pain that gets to me. Others might not see the suffering that continues to weaken my body. Or the times I feel empty and alone even when dancing in a room filled with friends. My heart wants to overcome these negative thoughts when I know in truth that I am never alone or forgotten.
How do I get through the struggles of feeling alone when the pain never goes away? How will I leave those negative thoughts when it’s right there, like a wall that will not come down? How do I not feel different from others that dance across the room, and I'm sitting quietly in a chair?